Some thoughts on school

We had a woman come into school today and talk to us about patient advocacy. She has cystic fibrosis, an inherited disease that effects the lungs and digestive tract. She spent countless days in the hospital, had two, yeah, two, bilateral lung transplants, and stared death in the face at least twice. She now works for an organization that talks to health care professionals about the patient experience, patient approach, advance care directives, and organ donation.

As she was speaking about the ideals of nurses and nursing I felt my heart swell up and lump up in my throat. I am exactly where i want to be, doing exactly what I want to be doing. Its nice to feel that way.

And another thought: I love talking about death and dying. I can talk about it all day. Talk to me about how you want to die, how you watched someone else die, what you are afraid of in dying. Tell me where you think we go when we die, if anywhere at all. Tell me what you want done with your body, and how your family will react. Tell me how you reacted when someone close to you died. I want to hear it, really really I do. I am sure a part of that passion is simply my experience in hospice. I am looking forward to being as interested in other nursing stuff as I become more educated in it.

Christmas

Some of my favorite moments from my Christmas vacation:

-Hearing Michael's story about throwing a grenade
-Hiking in the mountains covered in snow
-opening Christmas presents
-watching Michael play endlessly on his new iTouch
-Watching Chris put Neela up on his shoulders because the snow was too deep for her to keep up


-picking out the fabric for my new bag.
-late night whispering in the loft
-finishing Three Cups of Tea on the plane to Arizona
-Starting Mountains Beyond Mountains on the plane to Arizona
-"the big reveal"
- meeting Anna, Jerry, Kyra, and Gavin
-hiking squaw peak with Chris and Kyra. It was such a steep climb. And minus the make-out couple at the top.... it was a fantastic view.

-Dinner with the Waluk's: Shrimp stirfry, jasmine rice. chocolate pudding that Gavin mixed up. Yum.
-hiking Picachu peak. 4.2 miles rountrip, 1780 elevation gain, 4 hours or so hiking. Hand-over hand climbing with cable assistance,
-a day at the Park with Kyra and Gavin, climbing on all the kids playground equipment. (why do they always put those metal "buttons" inside the plastic slides. You will always get shocked!)
-naptime at the Ellis' place
-New Year's Eve at the Ellis household: Surf and Turf (Lobster tail and steak- yum), green beans and almonds, boiled new potatoes, yummy homemade chocolate chip cookies, margaritas, wine, beer, board games boys against girls (so sad- girls lost), watching Bob act out: Shake your Booty, seeing Mary Kate draw Donald Trump, Helio-Cat
-New Years Day skydiving at Arizona Skydiving Center. the largest skydiving center in the world. Feeling great about my Tandem buddy Joe, suiting up, skydiving "class" (a 10 minute video), signing my life away, watching Lori, Chris' Mom, suit up and practice her exiting technique, getting tons of pictures taken by Lori's incredible support group that showed up. Last minute cancellation of skydiving trip due to wind. Rescheduled for tomorrow.

-In and Out for lunch. (YUM! totally not overrated at all. worth it, although not nearly as fast as I had been lead to believe by the "IN and OUT' title.)
-Waluk reminiscing party back at the Parent's house. Tons of photos to look through, memorabilia to sort through. Had dreams of young Waluk for days afterward.
-Skydiving again, bright and early, 9 o'clock am. Suited up with complete flight suit. New Tandem guy, Matt, (not as cool as Joe). Loaded up on the plane (stomach in my throat). Climbed to 13,000 feet elevation. watched single jumpers jump out, watched Lori jump out, watched Chris jump out, having serious second thoughts, put my toes on the edge of the plane, cried out "oh shit" and got pushed out of a plane. Fell fast, hard to breathe, very cold air, couldn't remember anything I was suppose to do from "skydiving school", parachute deployed, jerked up (thank you for super tight harness), hard to believe that I am hanging from a parachute over the Arizona skyline. swallowed hard against stomach contents that wanted to come back out into the world, "had some fun" coming down in parachute (lots of twists and turns), picked out Picacho Peak on the Arizona skyline, informed my Tandem diver the joys of hiking in Arizona, watched Chris land (1st to land), waved at Lori in the parachute next to me (they brought us really close together, landed (2nd to land), kissed the ground (metaphorically), unhitched from the chute, ran over to chris for a hug and "thank-god-we-made-it" kiss, ran over to Lori to congradulate her on diving out of a plane, couldn't wipe the ridiculous grin off my face.

-Lunch with the Waluk's
-Naptime at the Ellis's
-Dinner with the Waluk's at Chicago Pizza. Super Yummy. Brocolli Spinach pizza.
-taken to the airport.
-Suffered through red-eye flight from AZ to Atlanta. Slept the 2 hour layover in Atlanta airport, boarded plane from Atlanta to Raleigh, got sick after landing in Raleigh, handed stewardess used airsick bag (always super embarrassing),
-Thank you to Hugh for picking us up.
-Slept all afternoon.

Thanksgiving!

It has been somehow on my heart lately how much of a Negative Nancy I have become. What do you do when you have realized that you fester on all the things that go wrong, all those things that are not working, all that which is broken? Fix your heart on those things that are good, true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, praiseworthy....









1. My thanksgiving was a hit! Great Food. Amazing Friends. Beautiful Weather!
2. I only had to work until 12 o clock today.
3. Bethany and I spent all afternoon together. Gossip. Advise. Coffee. Cookies.

4. I love my brother enough to miss him like crazy now that he is not here.
5. My mom and I can disagree but are quick to admit wrongdoing and extend grace/forgiveness
6. My mom always supports me as much as she can
7. I have a job, and a job that will generously accommodate my upcoming school schedule
8. I have a boyfriend that pushes me to expand my bubble of comfort. (as much as I hate it sometimes)
9. Whenever I think about John Stager I smile.
10. I get to read about adventures my brother is entangling himself in almost daily. And I am reminded how much I long for something to challenge me like he is being challenged.
11. I own my car (and all the new noises it makes)
12. The dogs are finally being quiet... not a peep from either one of them
13. My cold has finally surrendered to my immune system.
14. I am reading two books at once
15. I really love my church. The music is great. The sermons are thoughtful and penetrating. The coffee is hot.
16. I finally switched to gmail.
17. Apparently I feel good enough about my microbiology class to procrastinate studying for my final another night.
18. It didn't rain today and my feet stayed dry all day.
19. Jacob Zuma is going to take an HIV/AIDS test "soon" to promote AIDS awareness day.
20. I am seriously contemplating bed at 930 on a tuesday. Shower first maybe.
21. There are so many generous people out there
22. Its 40 degrees outside and I have a warm bed to sleep in.
23. Its 40 degrees outside and I can get in a warm shower before climbing into a warm bed.

well, its a sad little list... but I suppose I got to start somewhere.

A Day Out With the Pups

Wednesdays with Agnes, Thursdays with the Boys

Wednesday nights I spend with a new friend, Agnes, a beautiful 90 year old blind woman who has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. All the time I spend with her she is lucid and amazing. I am learning to see as a blind woman does, through sound and touch, long descriptive glances, smells, cadances of footfalls, and tall steps (the only way to walk along broken concrete). Its one of my highlights in the week. Agnes always asks me to bring something to read. She loves Poe, poetry and short stories. But mostly poetry. Especially if it rhymes. Well, and Poe. I have read The Raven several times. She loves it. So do I. She loves ghost stories, and literature. and music. I forgot how much she loves music. We spent an entire evening in front of the stereo, the volume cranked loud enough to feel the base in our chests, listening to Mozart and Beethoven and Bach and Barbara Streisand.
She loves to walk around her neighborhood at night when the crickets come out. "Listen to them getting all warmed up" she says. "Ooh, do you hear that one, that sweet little tweet tweet. What do you suppose it is saying." I try to be clever and offer up potential pick up lines one cricket is muttering to another. She laughs politely. We've gone to Lake Johnson twice to walk mostly around. I always stop at interesting plants, hold out her hand and pull a branch down for her to feel the leaves, bark, or berries. "Golly! Tell me what it looks like." I try my best at describing color and texture height, breadth. "I just love this." She says. And I admit Lake Johnson is so much prettier with my sweet blind friend with me. She found the beauty I couldn't see until I had to tell her about it. "When I ask to go to one of my favorite places, know that this is one of them." She tells me. My heart swells up a little.

And if Wednesday is, introspective, simple, slow, sweet, female... Thursday is the opposite.

Male, loud, fast, robust. And in its contrast it is delightful and amazingly fun. Chris and I and his roomie, Joanna, host a dinner weekly at his place for some of our friends. We eat more than we should, talk a lot of smack, and then we try to beat T and Chris at Corn hole. We only occasionally do the impossible. The rest of the time they dominate the game. (Chris and T really should be split up). Thursday we had Meatloaf, homemade mashed potatoes, snap green beans, and fresh cookies out of the oven. This week it is Chili, cornbread and an undecided dessert. And cornhole. always cornhole. Its amazing how natural friendships develop over food and games. And I haven't watched thursday night television since. (well, any TV for that matter... I dont have cable or a converter box... and I even though our neighbor offered to splice us into his cable, my roomie and I declined. We are excited to be free from the TV.) I just wish I threw a better cornhole game.

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann c.1920

lament of stuff

So, I know I am actually due to write part two of "Trampin' " but it is something that demands a long quiet moment and a laptop. Well, my laptop crashed a couple of weeks ago. So I am tied to my roommate's desktop (for which I am so greatful I have the use of), and I just can't seem to really write here. On top of my lack of computer, my bike was stolen Saturday night. Although worth less, I miss my bike more. I was expecting the eventual crash of my computer, but who would take what isn't their's? I am so sad and mad about my bike. Yesterday I went over to Chris' for dinner (which is where it was stolen) and I caught myself looking around for it, as if perhaps it was a lost kitten that just got too far from home and was looking to get back in the fold. If perhaps I just called it sweetly I could have it back.